Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
