I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
be right there i have to get my cape
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
