I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
