the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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