Heybabeimwearingurpanties
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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