Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I don't deserve a penis
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
