They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
