you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
If I had your ass I would rule the world
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
