no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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