Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
