They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
