i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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