I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
