so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
