Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I could make wine with my vomit
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
