I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I need mimosas to revive my soul
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
