We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
