just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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