I think I died a long time ago.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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