We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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