I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I need to align my fucking chakras
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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