OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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