How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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