Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
