On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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