Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
