Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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