capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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