Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
