Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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