4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
