Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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