wrigley field is MILF paradise
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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