Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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