So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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