if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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