me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
