There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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