At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
