i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
