Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
