why im i the only drunk person in the library?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
