I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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