And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
stop calling my apartment porn island.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
