I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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