im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
