She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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