I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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