Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
