while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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