he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
