He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He shit in the fireplace
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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