Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
