I faked an abortion last night.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
